Wednesday 18 April 2018

Health - Having The Conversation.

Despite several corporate initiatives to get smart on mental health there are still some very archaic views in the workplace about it. For some people it is very hard for them to open up to their employer about their mental health challenges, moreso than physical ailments. I have experienced a range of responses from various managers and colleagues over the course of my career. Despite some very positive reactions its still hard to ‘have the conversation’ whenever I get a new line manager or I have to explain to new colleagues why I’m so manic. I want to talk a little bit today about the variety of responses I’ve had and try to break down a bit of the reluctance that people feel when facing that particular talk.

I was 19 when I was first diagnosed with Depression, I’d had a pretty tough time at school and was having a crisis facing the idea of mortality and the option of growing up or not bothering. I’d been self harming for nearly a year in secret and I went too deep on one occasion and got found by my Dad (sorry for that). After that it was diagnosis and medicine and counselling and the full range of identikit responses dished out by our good old NHS. I was working for an Estate Agent and going through a fallow patch of sales, the writing was pretty much on the wall for me as I wasn’t performing, I went to my boss and asked him for a chat in the back office. I was ‘having the talk’ for the first time and I was nervous as hell. I was sweating heavily, my hands were shaking, and my voice cracked as I came out with that first line: “The Doctor says I have Depression and I urgently need help”. He fucking smiled. He fucking looked in my eyes and he fucking smiled. There was a brief chat where he offered the standard management lines about it affecting my performance, I was already really uncomfortable with the concept of lying for a living anyway so I was ready to tell him to get his job, roll it into a sausage shape, and go fuck himself with it. His reaction to me bravely taking him to one side and opening up to him told me the rest. I did next to nothing for the following three weeks and when the area manager was next in I told her I was getting out of this career as I’m not a slimy lying scumbag. It felt good. But my managers reaction stayed with me. I can still see his smile to this day. The bastard.

I jobbed around for a couple years in the standard early-20s sales jobs, knocking doors and asking about Gas, you know the ones. I didn’t say anything to the bosses at these jobs as I wasn’t planning on staying long. After my first venture into telling my boss I wasn’t going to bring it up unless I absolutely had to. Then I got a break, a real decent opportunity, I had a foot in the door at GKN, the pay was good, and my boss there was a friend of my Godfather. It was perfect. I made a decision to be honest straight out of the gate. I took Nev, my line manager to one side on my second day. “I understand if this affects my position but I feel I have to tell you I’ve got Depression, I’m on a long-term course of treatment and at the moment it’s not getting any better” or words to that effect. He put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me for telling him, he asked if there was anything he could do to help, any arrangements that could be made. I pulled my notepad out, wrote the telephone numbers of my parents, my G.P and my two best friends in case I ever became ill. They would know what to do. In recent years it’s come to be known as a ‘crisis card’, but back then it was just me being pragmatic about the fact that one day it’ll get bad and those are the people that can help. Surprisingly it never got bad. Over a number of months I took the time to speak one-to-one with a lot of my close colleagues and explained why some days I would take holiday really short notice because I physically could not face lifting the duvet off and looking at my face in the mirror. I explained why some days I look tired as hell and other days I act like I’m on E. They all understood. It took everything I had to be honest with them, the fear of rejection or ridicule or talking behind my back. But the way my boss handled it was really what gave me the strength to have that conversation over and over. It was the polar opposite of my previous experience and it’s pretty much been my cut and paste ever since.

At my current job I’ve had a lot of managers over a short time, some unbelievably supportive and sympathetic, others loved to know how bad I was so they could gossip about it on their lunch breaks. But every single time I told them early. I didn’t want to wait. I had a reasonably long period of good health for the most part of my time at my current place, but over the last year I’ve really wobbled and my boss at the moment is an absolute hero. He knows that some days I’m going to be a nightmare and having me there at 75% is still more productive than not having me there at all. He knows there’s days when I’ll want to sit with my headphones in all day and not talk to anyone. He knows there will be days where I’ll get on everyone’s nerves, or come in with bags under my eyes. It allows me to still be able to hold down my career whilst battling the Black Dog. I owe him and my amazingly understanding colleagues a lot.

Sorry for the long ramble, in short, from my experience the best thing to do is take your boss to one side, as soon as you can, and get it all out there. Tell them what treatment you are recieving, tell them what to do if you become ill, tell them what to look out for when you are becoming ill. Nothing is too much. Most major employers have mental health first aiders specially trained now, and most have a mental health policy in place. Familiarise yourself with those people and those resources. You’re at work for a large proportion of your life, so the issues of your life will creep over from time to time and it’s important to know a safe place to go. Be fucking kind to yourself, I know I don’t always practice what I preach but I’m learning, and all this writing is helping. Thx, Craig.

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