I think I’m ready.

I think I’m ready to try again.
I think I’m capable and worthy of love.
But it’s hard.
When your plenty of fish are in a dried up pool.
When the tinder has been snuffed,
And the bees in your bumble have no wings.

I wish I had the capability to extend myself in social situations,
To catch your eye across the bar,
To strike up a conversation,
But my hands are shaking and trembling like a San Francisco car park
In the height of earthquake season.

I clam up like oysters
While searching for pearls.
You are so beautiful
And I am so broken.
But
I AM CAPABLE OF LOVE.
I have a lot to give.
Repeat.
I have a lot to give.
REPEAT
I have a lot to give.
I do.

But how the hell are you supposed to know?
When I’m staring at the ground,
Wringing my hands,
Avoiding the monumental elephant
In the smallest room.

I’m ready to try again,
But first
I must learn to try.